


I Don’t Know, But With You I Do

by ariana04



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Bullying, Cussing, F/M, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Slurs, Toxic Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-23 22:06:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30062223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ariana04/pseuds/ariana04
Summary: The one where Harry lives a normal life working in a bakery, goes to Uni, and has a loving boyfriend Damon well… that's what everyone thinks. Louis is constantly bullying Harry, is the captain of Uni’s footie team, and with Eleanor. Liam may know more about Louis then Louis himself, Niall is worried for his best friend, and Niam’s a thing. Will Louis find out Harry’s biggest secret or create a whole new one of their own?
Relationships: Eleanor Calder/Louis Tomlinson, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Niall Horan/Liam Payne
Kudos: 7





	1. It’s been awhile

**Author's Note:**

> alrighty so hiiii, i’ve been thinking about doing a writing for a while now so i thought why not. i hope it’s pretty good and you guys will like it. i love everyone in real life, truly, everything i write is just for the purpose of the story. anyways thank you for reading, hope you enjoy !!
> 
> \- ariana

“Move out the way you fag!” Harry cringed at the harsh word being yelled at him before being pushed to the cold white and green tiles he’s far too familiar with.

“Ow!” Niall helped him up from the floor. “What the hell Louis, what’d you do that for? You're th-” 

“ME?!? Harry, you are in my way not the other way around. Be grateful that footie practice is starting so you're off the hook this time. Otherwise, well you know what happens.'' Louis interjects while smirking before pushing Harry back on the floor. 

__

Louis saw his best friend, Liam, around the corner of the hallway. He ran a bit to the locker rooms to avoid him. He and Liam always got to practice earlier than the rest of the team since they were co-captains. 

Louis knew though that he was going to be in deep shit since Liam saw everything go down, he wondered if Liam heard him too. Either way Louis was gonna hear it from him.

***

“Fucking bitch.'' Niall spits out quietly while helping Harry back up. He hates how cruel Louis is to Harry especially when he knows how the lad acts with everyone else. He started dusting Harry off while muttering “I’m sorry” to him.

“S’alright, and it doesn't matter Ni you know he's right and you have footie practice too. We better get going, I have to get home before Damon does anyways. There's so much to do with so little time…” Harry sighed walking to the locker rooms.

They both walked slowly in comfortable silence, lost in their own thoughts. Niall already knew something was different with Harry, but today really made him realize. It always bothered Harry when Louis bullies him but especially when he calls him names. 

It was one thing for Harry to be pushed around. But another when you're being called names for something you just can't control, being gay. It pisses off Niall even more when he thinks about how sweet Louis is to him and Liam. They've been out for years too, and together for almost 6 months.

They've talked to him about bullying Harry but Louis never seems to listen. All he and Liam can do is be there for Harry, but they wish they could do more for him.

Niall has already realised that every time Damon’s on Harry’s mind at all it's like talking to a ghost, he's just not himself. Harry is usually so vocal about everything, he would cry some days when his bullying would get really bad or talk about how much he hates Louis and his life in general. 

Niall already knew something was wrong when he slowly stopped. They were completely inseparable not even 6 months ago, but now? Harry completely shuts Niall out and doesn't even act like himself anymore. It all just makes Niall more worried for him.

***

Harry knows Niall’s getting suspicious as well. It's not that he doesn't trust Niall about his life anymore, it's what his reaction will be. Harry is just terrified of everything, his life is too much of a mess and he just can't lose Niall. Not now, while he's in a mess with no way to get out. 

And to be completely honest, Harry doesn't even seem to realize how bad it is himself. He could handle himself, there's no need to worry Niall with his problems. They weren't even that big of problems, he could handle it himself.

“Hey Haz,” Niall says quietly, getting both of them out of their thoughts. “What do you mean you have so much to do, what do you have to do? I mean I know it's none my business or anything but ever since you two got really fucking serious you’re never around anymore. We used to tell each other everything and now… we barely even see each other. I'm just really worried and miss you so much Haz.'' he admits sadly looking over at his best friend. 

They finally reached the locker rooms and Niall saw his boyfriend, Liam, on the field with Louis already. They were already dressed in the footie kits and warming up by themselves, the rest of the team were in the locker rooms as well. Harry is usually nervous around them and gets self conscious seeing their bodies, but today he's too out of it to even realize they’re getting dressed around him.

“I know Ni, and I miss you too.” Harry says, finally looking up at Niall’s sad eyes. “Like you have no idea how much I miss you. But on the bright side… I’m going to be cheering you on every game this season, and we can still sing together when we have the time. I’m going to try to make more time for you, I mean you are my little Irish princess after all.” they both giggled at the use of the old pet name before hugging.

They were breathing in each other's scents they both seemed to miss so much. Harry hasn't realized just how much he missed Niall, or the fact that he misses him just as much too. It really made Harry feel both sad and happy. Just felt… needed and wanted in life.

“Okay, okay that's enough you big sap. You better get going before Tomlinson sees you here,” Harry sat down waiting for Niall to finish getting dressed. “Plus I have to start warming up with the rest of the team. It's not fair that he bullies you though! He's so sweet to me, Li, and… everyone. I just- I don't understand why he bullies you!” Niall shouts almost too loudly. 

Harry started tying his laces just like old times to get him to calm down. “I told you it's fine, I really don't want you getting kicked off the team cos you're sticking up for me. And hey, I’ll text you later and maybe we can get some food or something?” Harry gives him a smile hoping he’ll say yes.

“Uh… duh, you know I can never deny food or you.” they both started laughing once again before saying their goodbyes for now. 

Harry was already feeling so much happier on the drive home, even started singing in the car for the first time in what felt like forever. He’ll be home in under 10 minutes then try to make everything as perfect as possible. He doesn't know how Damon will react but at this moment, Harry just can't bring himself to care. He's going to hang out with Niall, that's all that mattered. 

***

“What the fuck Louis!” Liam shouted as soon as he caught up with his best friend in the locker room.

“I didn't do anything, I just shoved him s’ll.” Louis whispered out not wanting to meet with Liam’s sharp disappointed gaze.

“Well fuck if that's just a little shove I don't wanna know what anything else is. I mean c’mon, ‘fag’ that's what you call him. You know how fucked up that is...”  
“I know Li, I-I didn't mean to say it. It's just that-”

“It's just that WHAT?!? What is it Louis that makes you think that's okay, huh? You know why that hurts on a whole other level.” Liam cuts him off harshly thinking back to those days when he was the one being bullied and Louis helped him out. 

“I’m not homophobic Li, you know that. Like fuck, I love you and Niall. I just- I don't know, okay? I don't know…” Louis admits, he really doesn't understand why he still bullies Harry. Hell, he doesn't understand what he's feeling let alone trying to explain it to someone else.

“I know you're not Lou,” Liam whispers while hugging him. “I just wish you told me why you do this to the lad. I mean he's so sweet yet you do all this shit to him.”

“I wish I could tell ya, but honestly…. I don't know why. You and Niall tell me all the time how sweet he is with everyone, and he's never done anything to me. But I don't know why I still do this to him, and I hate that Niall hates me because of it too.” he admits before pulling away from the hug. Him and Liam are the only ones in the locker room, they still have a couple minutes before others come in.

“Niall doesn't hate you, he just doesn't understand either. Especially because he sees the good in you.” Louis knows what he's talking about, he's so nice with everyone.

Everyone except Harry…

He has only ever bullied one person, him. And for the stupidest reason too.

Because he's gay.

The worst part is, his best friend’s gay and he really doesn't have a problem with it. He really loves Liam and his boyfriend Niall. They’re both friends with him and Harry and constantly tell Louis off for bullying him, but he can't seem to stop.

***

“C’mon lets get dressed before the rest of the team shows.” Liam giggles, “I have a feeling it's going to be a long practice.” 

“Oh you have no idea, you're just lucky you're the keeper. Otherwise you'd be doing all these drills too.” he jokes back, they’re already dressed in their footie kits.

“Oi fuck off Tomlinson. You know my drills are hard too.” he jabs Louis in the gut.

“Hmmm yeah sure. Whatever you say Payno.” they both laugh it off making their way to the field to start practice. 

Liam spots Niall and Harry talking, he just really wishes Harry and Louis didn't hate each other so much. They would be great friends, fuck great boyfriends too if Lou wasn't straight. Or if he just stopped bullying the poor lad. 

“Coach says practice is gonna be different today, I swear if we have to do some sorry ass drills.” Louis groans just imaging doing their old drills. 

“I have a feeling they're not gonna be crappy ones today.” Liam smirks

“Ya sure…” they both laugh. They were already on the field practicing together before the rest of the team joined.

***

Louis sees Eleanor waiting for him on the bleachers. By now they already started practice with the rest of the team. He and Eleanor have been together for almost three years now and she always waits for him after practice.

He secretly hates that she waits there, it's not that he doesn't want her to. She’s just too much for people. Louis knows not everyone approves of her, really only his step-father does. He doesn't even understand why Mark likes her anyways.

She is a bit rude and mean, and she was the one that made Louis bully Harry in the first place. Liam also says she's controlling but he doesn't see it, which is why he won't say the truth of why he started bullying Harry in the first place. Louis still bullies Harry though so there's no point to make Liam hate El even more. 

Either way it doesn't matter, Louis loves Eleanor… 

Or at least he thinks it's love.


	2. Love the way you lie

During practice the team tried out a new drill called murders. Louis and Niall had a challenge of their own to see who can do them faster, Niall won. Louis claimed to ‘let Niall win’ though. He won't admit it was actually hard for him to do. 

Niall came running over to Liam out of breath, “Whatcha doing babe?” 

“More sets of kangaroo jumps, and firehydragetes.” he was finishing up some crunches.

“Why are you doing more sets? You're usually done by now.” he asked curiously before giving Liam a quick kiss.

“Well I convinced coach to make you lads do murders, in return I have to do more drills.” Liam shrugged as if it was no big deal.

“Li!?! Why’d you do that,” Niall started laughing. “ I hated those, I'm still out of breath from them.” This time Liam gave Niall a quick kiss before shrugging once again.

Niall started running to tell Louis and the rest of the team about Liam. He knew they were gonna be slightly mad since they were really hard drills to do. It was worth it to Liam so he was just laughing at Niall's adorableness before continuing his drills before practice ended.

***

Liam was the last one to the locker room when he was met with overlapping chatter from the team.

“What the fuck Li!” 

“This was your idea?!” 

“You’re in deep shit Payno.”

Louis laughed at everyone before turning to the bleachers to meet up with El. She never knows what’s going on since she doesn't even watch the practice or anything. She just sits in the bleachers, using her phone. He didn't even bother to tell her about practice either, she doesn't even care.

They went home earlier than the rest of the team since he was already dressed unlike the others. And since he's the captain he gets dibs on things like the showers, it's very convenient when Louis wants to get home fast.

“Calm down, I had to do more drills anyway since you guys did murders.” Liam tried to reason with them. 

Louis texted Liam saying that he made it home safely. Niall had already told him about going out with Harry as soon as practice started. He and the rest of the team were happy for Niall. They all knew how much Niall missed Harry. While Liam was driving Niall to his flat Harry texted him:

Hazza : Hey Ni, I’m really sorry but I can't go out tonight. Can we try again tomorrow, I’ll pick you up before school to get breakfast? xx

***

Harry started playing his ‘cleaning’ playlist which had loads of Glee and Twenty One Pilots songs. It was a mixed playlist with different moods but Harry didn't care how it messed with his emotions. He needed to escape from his thoughts for a bit anyways, listening to music helps, while doing his chores.

He needs to clean all the floors, it wasn't that hard since it was fairly cleaned because of him. Clean his then Damon’s room and make dinner. That was the hardest part since Damon wouldn't tell Harry what he wanted, only ever complained. 

Sometimes Harry just really hated Louis, but hated himself more than anything. When Niall would say how he was actually sweet it made Harry feel even worse about himself. Knowing that Louis purposely bullies him for being gay but not others. It was a shitty feeling Harry constantly had, but why him?

***

Harry decided on spaghetti with salad, it was (hopefully) a mix of what they both liked, and turned off his music. When Damon came home he finished serving their plates. Harry already knew he wasn't supposed to talk or eat without his permission. So he just hung Damon's coat up and gave him a ‘welcome home’ kiss.

“Sit.” Damon said sharply while pointing to the seat Harry can sit in.

Harry sat down just as instructed, he didn't want Damon to be mad at him. Harry wouldn’t be able to hang with Niall if he was. And he really wanted to see Niall.

Damon already started eating his spaghetti then gestured towards Harry’s plate of food. “You may eat, my pet.” he said softly, giving Harry a smile.

Harry smiled back before eating his salad. They ate in silence, but the awkward kind where you're afraid to break it. Harry knew Damon loved him no matter what.

But sometimes he would question how much he loved Damon. Then he’ll remember what Damon would say, “No one would love you or your clumsy enormous figure and feminine self except me”, and decide to stay.

He knew Damon was right, who would love someone like Harry… 

“Hey!” Damon yelled at him getting Harry out of his thoughts, “I asked you a question. Now answer me.”

“Uhh, s-sorry, what did you s-say?” Harry responded back softly.

Damon groaned at Harry’s idiocity and talked sharply at him hoping this time he’ll actually listen, “I said, ‘Why did you make spaghetti and salad?’.” 

“Ohh, well I-I thought you’d like sp-spaghetti,” Harry internally punched himself when it came more of a question, “and I wanted t-to eat healthy. So I-I thought salad would b-be a good side dish.” 

“Next time don't do that, like look at yourself, you need more meat in your system.” Damon scanned his eyes over Harry's body making him feel self conscious  
.  
“Ohh, ya o-okay.” Harry wanted to cry, Damon always pointed out how tall, skinny, and lanky Harry is. It made him feel weak and gross.

“Now eat another plate of spaghetti. When you're done come find me so I can tell you what to do. Okay.” Damon said more of a statement rather than a question when he finished. He stood up getting a glass of water to bring to the living area. 

“Uh ac-actually can I-I ask you something?” Harry asked very timidly and shy.

“Depends, what is it.” 

“Well you k-know h-how I have a-a friend, N-Niall,” Harry stuttered like crazy.   
“No, I don't. And stop stuttering.”

“O-Okay, well he w-wanted to hang out today. I was wo-wondering if I could go.” 

“No.” is all Damon said, starting to walk away.

“B-but pl-”

“NO, HARRY! You can not go.” Damon slapped Harry across the face then walked all the way to the living area.

Harry didn't try again, he knew he deserved that.

He went back to the table to eat his second plate of spaghetti. Harry had tried really hard to not cry, and he didn't. After his plate was finished Damon had told him to run a bath for him then he was allowed to do some homework.

He hated that he couldn't see Niall, but he gets why Damon wont let him. He’s never really met Niall, of course he wouldn't trust him. He was just worried for Harry. He should have never talked back like that.

It was his fault.

***

Harry cried for a bit in his room before getting his phone out to text Niall. He thought they could still do something together before school started. He hoped Niall won't be too upset about it.

Hazza: Hey Ni, I’m really sorry but I can't go out tonight. Can we try again tomorrow, I’ll pick you up before school to get breakfast? xx

Princess : It’s okay Haz, I totally forgot about tonight anyways I’m beat with practice. Ya I’ll love that, what time? 

He was a little upset that Niall said he forgot, but he thought maybe he was just saying that. He really felt bad, but he just couldn't go.

Hazza : Well I usually leave at 7, is 7:15 too early for you?

Princess : No that's fine, I’ll see you tomorrow Haz. Love ya, goodnight xx

Hazza : See you tomorrow princess. Love you too, night xx 

Harry went to bed with a smile on his face thinking tomorrow will be fun. By now his face was feeling better and Damon gave him an ‘I’m sorry’ blowjob. He told Harry how much he loves him and that he just cares about him. 

Harry knows this, he really does have the best boyfriend in the whole world.

***

Eleanor had convinced Jay to let her sleepover but had to stay in the guest room. Louis was fine with that, he wanted to sleep alone anyways. 

Louis went around to say goodnight to everyone since it was already their bedtimes. First was Lottie and Fizzy, then the twins, then to his parents room to say goodnight to them and the younger twins. He went to bed and locked his door making sure to hide the key so El wouldn't sneak in.

Which she has done and gotten Louis in trouble for.

Louis wanted to ask Niall and Liam how it went with Harry. It's not that he cared about Harry or anything. Liam is his best friend and Niall is Liam’s boyfriend. They are both friends with Harry, so it’s only right to check on them to see how it went. 

The boys 

Tommo : Hey guys how was it with Curly? 

Yes, Louis gave him a pet name. But it wasn't really like that, the name just fit him. He only ever calls Harry ‘Curly’ in front of the team so it was out of habit.

Payno : Niall is upset right now, he said Harry bailed

Nialler : He didn't bail, he just got busy s’ll

Nialler : He said he’ll pick me up in the morning to get breakfast tho

Tommo : Damn what a prick

Payno : Lou …

Tommo : Wait I don't mean to be rude

Tommo : I’m saying that sucks Ni. But maybe he was busy, tomorrow will be fun

Nialler : Ya maybe he was, I’m fine tho

Payno : Babes you're not fine, you've been crying since you got the text

Nialler : Well I mean it's fine tho, tomorrow will be great

Tommo : I’m sorry bubs, but ya it will be

Tommo : Night guys, love ya xx

Payno : You too, night. Niall says it too xx

Louis couldn’t believe it, how could Harry just bail on him. That was a real fucked up move, and over text?!? It really made Louis both sad and angry about the situation and it wasn't even about him. He had the sudden urge to text Harry and tell him off.  
So he did…

Lou : Hey Curly, that was a real mess up what you did to Niall. He was really excited and happy to finally hang with you. And you just bail? At least give him the real reason

When he sent the message he realized he called him ‘Curly’. It slipped, he got so used to calling him that. Since he and Harry have choir together they have each other's number. It was required for the whole class so they could contact each other. 

Harry didn't answer after 20 minutes. It kind of worried Louis, scratch that. Louis wasn't worried, he was just curious. It honestly wasn't even that late, there's no way he's already sleeping. So he texted Harry again.

Lou : Would ya answer me, why’d you bail?

Curly : Umm m’sorry Louis, Damon took my phone. I just can't go tonight, I feel terrible tho. I really was excited too, I didn't mean to bail. Is he upset or mad at me?

Louis knew the name Damon, maybe it was his dad? At least Louis knew Harry was genuinely upset about tonight as well and didn't mean to bail on Niall.

Lou : Why’d you call your dad by his first name?

Lou : And no he's not mad, just upset

Curly : Damons’ not my dad, he's my boyfriend

That's why he knows the name, it’s his boyfriend.

Why would his boyfriend take something from him? It was a bit weird to Louis.

Lou : Ohhh, well why the hell did he take it from you?

Curly : He does all the time, why?

Lou : Nothing, it's a bit weird s’ll. 

Curly : Ohh okay. Well I gotta go Lou, I can't stay up late, night x

Lou : Night Curly x

In all honesty the whole conversation was weird. But he really liked that Harry called him Lou. The whole night he thought about Damon, he just sounded… off. Almost controlling in a way, he takes his phone and has a bedtime? It all just sounded so weird. 

Louis was too tired to think about it tonight, he’ll bring it up to Niall tomorrow.


	3. SCARS

Harry woke up early the following morning. He knew that setting an alarm would only wake Damon up and get him in trouble even though they don't share a room. Over time his body was used to waking up early on its own, it was both useful yet hell.

He sat up to look out the window taking a deep breath thinking about his day. Harry had so much on his mind with Niall, Damon, Louis, school, all his chores, and just so much more. Luckily though his room has its own bathroom so he didn't need to leave its warmth just yet. He rarely had to leave the comfort of his room unless it was absolutely necessary. 

After a well deserved hot bath while watching some of his favorite show Grey’s Anatomy - he wanted to finish rewatching ‘White Wedding’, it’s one of his favorite shows plus Patrick Demsey was extremely HOT - he took his white fluffy towel to wrap it around his body to dry and keep him warm. 

He then took a smaller one to dry his hair and put it up. Harry got used to putting his hair up in the towel now that it’s longer but it used to take him ages. Taming his hair was always a hassle, even more now. It has gotten pretty lengthy with almost passing his shoulders. After showers were the worst, it was the hardest to tame and style.

It was easier to just put the hair up in a bandana instead of leaving it down in the morning. He had decided on wearing his green ‘Obsession’ jumper, black skinny jeans, brown chelsea boots, and a blue bandana. It was a quick outfit that was both comfy and put together just like he wanted.

***

It was already fall so Harry had an excuse for wearing long sleeves and covering his arms with bracelets. His scars were starting to heal a bit so they weren’t as red or prominent. He hated them, but he also deserved them. He deserved all the pain.

He had to cover them for now since no one knew, not even Niall. He didn't want anyone to know. Harry knew that if people found out they would make him feel more like a freak and a coward. 

He sometimes wishes he could talk to Niall about it, but he can’t. He needs to cut, it was a way of coping. Telling Niall wouldn't help, he'd make it a bigger deal. Plus Harry was terrified that Niall would just judge him just like the rest if they found out.

***

It was already 7:02 when Harry was finally done with everything and was ready to leave. Damon hasn’t woken up once, he was used to Harry leaving the house so early. Even so he still left a note just as usual. Everyday Harry would put a pink sticky note on the fridge saying he's at school.

He didn't want to go to Niall and Liam’s place and accidentally wake them or worse. So he sent a quick message saying that he’ll pick him up in 10 minutes. Niall was apparently awake and texted back quickly. Harry was giggling at Niall’s use of all the emojis he sent back.

He didn't tell Niall where they were going exactly, it was a surprise for him. But it was their favorite childhood restaurant that they've been going to for years. It wasn't that good of a place to actually eat at to be honest but it had many many memories within its walls.

***

Louis couldn’t sleep that night since Eleanor tried getting in the room three different times apparently thinking he’d open the door eventually, he didn't. And everything that happened with Harry was still on his mind. He wanted to know what's up with them but he didn't care about Harry, he was just curious.

Louis' mum, Jay, had already been used to his behavior on school days. She didn't even bother trying to wake him while everyone got ready instead. Eleanor made the morning slower than usual but Jay didn't mind since El never really made messes unlike her seven kids. Jay would just feed and remind her to text Louis when she gets to school. .

He had woken up at the same time everyday with morning rush at 7:00. His house would be so loud while everyone was getting ready for school. Louis would usually wait it out by sleeping in on Tuesday and Thursdays. There would be so many smells all at once going around like the girls hairspray, perfumes, body sprays, lotions and most importantly, food. Jay would always leave a plate of whatever she made in the microwave for him.

Instead of sleeping ‘till rush would die down Louis texted Niall. He didn't know what to say, he didn't want to sound like he actually cared for Harry. But he did, Louis was genuinely curious yet worried for the boy. He just wanted to let Niall know but he didn’t know why. 

Louis knew Niall would be awake by now since he's having breakfast with Harry. It was only 7:00 when Louis asked if they could meet before their lecture at noon. Niall took a while to respond before agreeing. They would meet in the school library at 9:00, it was a perfect compromise for the both of them.

***

“What do you mean?” Niall had asked for the thousand time.

“I mean, is Harry okay?” Louis was already getting a bit agitated at their conversation. His ear was feeling as if it was on fire, he knew it was probably bright red. He just wanted to quickly let Niall know something was fishy yet here they are almost 30 minutes later still talking.

“I get you’re asking that, I’m saying why. Why do you care and why do you wanna know?” Louis just scoffed. He had already answered that question.

“Look Ni he's your friend, right?” Niall nodded questioningly. “Okay. So I'm just asking how is he? I texted the lad last night and he said that Damon gives him a bedtime and constantly takes his phone. I just wanted to make sure you know this. And that he's okay. What did you guys even talk about at breakfast?” Louis had calmed down a bit rephrasing his previous statements so Niall could understand.

“I know…” Niall had a wave of guilt and sadness flood through his whole system.

“What does that mean?” Louis asked back curiously, looking at Niall.

“I mean I already had my eye out on the bloke. I don't trust Damon completely, especially with Harry. But I don't know what's up with Harry.” Louis was nodding trying to process the information. “He seemed fine at breakfast, we talked like old times. It really felt like we were best friends all over again. And even wore one of his favorite outfits. But I have a bad feeling about Damon. And just saying Louis… you bullying him isn't helping.” Niall looked at Louis, letting him know he was being serious. 

“I know, I know. It's complicated okay? I feel bad but it's complicated. And look I don't want to get involved with his shit, he doesn’t like me. But I just wanted to tell you what I thought so you can keep an eye on him.” Louis gave a smile hoping Niall would be okay with his answer. 

“I get it Louis, it's okay. But can you at least promise to leave Harry alone for a bit so I can see what's happening.” Niall asked back, Louis nodded saying he’ll try. 

They both gave their farewells to each other before going on with their day. Niall had a full day of lectures and Louis was cold and tired. He still had an hour and a half before having to go to his side of campus. So Louis started walking around the library to waste time and see what catches his eye.

***

After Harry and Niall finished breakfast, well only Niall ate. Harry couldn’t stomach the food just yet and especially at that restaurant. He just had a lemon scone to put some food in his system. He really something so he went to campus for food. 

He ordered his usual sandwich and hot coffee with caramel drizzle for the sweetness. He would drink tea occasionally, but coffee helped get his day going. He couldn’t eat in the library so he stayed in the school eating area ‘till lecture started at 8:00. 

Harry wasted some time by eating and watching more Greys Anatomy. He already watched every episode and just rewatched his favorites while waiting for the new season to come out. Harry could watch this and Glee all day everyday. But Glee always made him want to sing so he refrained himself to only watching at home. 

***

After a very long and boring 2 hours of lecture, Harry was finally able to leave. He gets a break before having to go to a new lecture at noon. It was the only class he actually had with Louis, so he wanted to wind down in the library. 

Harry knew almost every single exit and entrance in the library, today it was efficient to go through the side door. He had already gotten books so he didn’t need to search for something to read. He sat down in one of the beanbags and began reading one of the The Twilight Saga books. 

He was almost done with his least favorite of the series, New Moon, when he saw someone. It was Louis, in the library…. reading books. 

Harry didn’t say anything, he hoped Louis wouldn’t see him. He hadn’t even realized that he subconsciously started pressing into his wrist. 

He started thinking why Louis was in the library. Was he looking for him? Did he plan to beat him up in the library? Did he-

“Hey, Harry.” Louis stopped waving in his face, how long was he staring at him? “Sorry, you looked really out of it.”

“Ohhh it-it’s okay.” Harry was still nervous, not wanting to tick Louis off. 

“Well I just wanted to say ‘Hi’ cos i saw you here…” Harry was genuinely confused. “plus ummm you looked really out of it.” 

Harry looked down to what Louis was pointing at, his wrists. He was pressing into them, and Harry didn’t even know. He quickly stopped and pulled his jumper down to cover them. He looked back to Louis and he was just staring still. 

“Uhh hi.” Harry didn’t like all the attention he was getting by Louis. He wanted him to stop, he wanted to be left alone to read. He rather be bullied then what’s happening right now. 

***

Louis slowly looked away from his wrist. They didn’t look different but they didn’t look like everyone else’s, they were covered mostly by his jumper but Louis was able to see them. He thought he saw redness but he was sure. Harry covered them well so he couldn’t see. 

Louis had met Harry’s eyes, he’d never realized how pretty they were. Like the best shade of green he’s ever seen, almost clear and shiny. He shook his head, what was he thinking about. Harry’s eyes aren’t pretty, they’re just green. 

“So do you wanna walk to class already?” Louis tried to get rid of all the awkwardness. He started rubbing the back of his neck when Harry didn’t answer after a while. He just stood there.

“I-I mean, sure?” Harry looked so confused and scared that it made Louis feel the same way too. Was he scared of him?

“C’mon let’s get going, it’s a long walk to the other side of campus.” Harry nodded before picking his things up. Louis was just as nervous as Harry was, he didn’t even know why he went up to him. Then he saw Harry’s book. 

“Ohh New Moon that’s the worst one.” Louis didn’t realize that he was talking out loud until it was too late. 

He has 5 younger sisters for god's sake, of course he’s seen and read The Twilight Saga. He and his sisters always watched it since it was the only movie they could sorta agree on. 

“Ohh ya,” Harry giggled a little. “it’s my least favorite too. but i’m re-reading the whole series. I didn’t know you like ‘em” 

Harry giggled, like fucking giggled. It was probably the cutest- wait no. Louis has no idea what’s going on in his head. It was just a giggle nothing else. He needs to stop thinking like this. People giggle, get over it. 

“Ya I have 5 younger sisters and a little brother so it’s the only thing we could somewhat agree one. I mean some of the girls think Jacob is better but wait sorry. I don’t know why I just said that. I mean like, we always talk about who’s better but like I don’t-”

“Louis, Louis it’s okay.” Harry started laughing at all his rambling. Louis didn’t know why he was just saying all that. His family had had multiple conversations about this and he automatically started stating his opinion out of habit. 

“I think Edward is better too, Jacob is not the better choice.” Harry was talking fine now, slow, but confident. “I mean the girls probably like him because he is the better looking one.” Then he stopped, he began looking at Louis. He didn’t mean to say that either. 

“Curly it’s cool, I’m not gonna hurt you. Guys have eyes, it’s pretty obvious that Jacob is the better looking one.” Louis was trying to make him feel better, but it was like a never ending cycle.

One of them would say something embarrassing or scared of the other's reaction. Then they’ll try to make it better by doing the exact same thing. Even though Louis would never say any of that in front of the guys, he wasn’t lying. 

**

It was a good thing they started walking to class so early, they had barely made it on time. They were talking the whole time about Twilight, Harry and him had a lot of the same thoughts and interest about it. They both came to the conclusion that Edward was better for Bella, but Jacob was definitely the better looking one. The first and last movie/book was the best, and New Moon was the least favorite.

Louis was trying to be nice just like he promised to Niall, and it was worth it. Harry was actually a really cool lad and funny. It took a while for him to warm up to Louis, he still talks really slow, but Louis liked it. It was very pleasing to hear his slow and deep voice talk. 

They even sat next to each other during lecture, Harry was going to sit by himself but Louis didn’t let him. They were honestly having a great time talking, they had to dial it down when lecture was getting serious. Harry was pay close attention to the board he didn’t realize that his sleeves went up a bit. 

Louis was sure this time, he saw them. They were scars, a lot of them too. some looked newer than others but they all seemed to look like they were healing. He didn’t want to embarrass or let Harry know he saw them. He also doesn’t want to tell Niall since it was Harry's secret, his now too. He just hoped Harry has stopped and will eventually tell someone.


End file.
